I have struggled for quite a few years with feeling like I’m BEHIND in my life.
As I drifted through my 20s in a fog of depression, addictions, and loneliness, I anxiously watched life passing me by along with all of my big dreams. So even though, at age 36, I have transformed my life and am now living in wholeness and bliss, I still struggle with the pain of having lost so many years of my youth.
Recently I read my journal from my senior year of high school. It was an incredibly special year full of passion and possibility. I was instantly flooded with the incredible emotions I had at that time in my life. I decided to intentionally recapture the feelings I had during that year, and bring that innocent joy into the present moment.
The MAGIC of recapturing that time in my life, is this remembering of that time when I didn’t feel any limits. I didn’t know the discouragement of trying and failing. I had ONLY Hope, Only Anticipation, Only Dreams and Passion, only the thrill of seeing something I intensely desired to BE and to DO.
So now I am experiencing all of that again.
I feel like I’m 18 again, with my whole life ahead of me, and anything is possible. I feel like I’m being given a second chance – a chance to re-write my story – a chance to be 18 again, but with all the wisdom I’ve gained in these past 18 years of heartache, divorce, depression, and being a ‘copy’ instead of the original Noelle.
Here I am, with inner peace and confidence, the confidence gained from years of dismantling the negative stuff in my childhood. Here I am, with all that strength and peace, yet in my heart I am 18 again. I can live these precious, prime years of my life BEING EXACTLY WHO I WANT TO BE – free from all pressure to please anyone, free from religion, free from the lies about my identity, free from debt, free from addiction and loneliness.
If in my mind I am 18, then I AM. That is real to me. I am in my prime. I have been let out of prison. I can hit the re-set button on my life. There are NO Limits. I feel the innocence and excitement of being that young again – the inner knowing that ANYTHING is POSSIBLE.
Those prime years of my life were stolen from me, and now I am TAKING THEM BACK.
I feel the passion of music again. The passion I had when I saw Amy Grant at the Target Center and I KNEW I wanted to be a singer/songwriter.
The passion I had before it became all about vocal technique and pristine perfection in college.
The passion I had, just from the initial discovery that I COULD sing, that I had some talent.
All the limiting beliefs are just melting away.
All the disillusionment of trying and striving, are being erased from my psyche.
I’m 18 again, and I’m taking back the years that the locust has stolen.
I am no longer bound by a F*#%@^ UP picture of my identity.
I am no longer bound by what my family wants from me, by what Christianity says about me, by church, by teachers, by anyone else.
I am obligated ONLY TO BE ME. There is an expanse of TIME laid out in front of me, given to me, as my deserving gift as a child of GOD. I can now re-live the prime years of my life.
There is no one to please anymore. I am full of passion, talents, and possibility — potential that has only been skimmed at the surface.
There are NO LIMITS.
I AM YOUNG, I am STRONG, I am FREE, and I AM READY TO LIVE!
Check out my new song, and be inspired to explore your own limitless possibilities!