Choose to Feel Safe and You Will Be Safe

 

I had a MOMENTOUS breakthrough in rising above fear being alone in the van last night. I’m gonna share it with you straight out of my journal:

7:22 pm Sat February 6

“I’m feeling better tonight in the van. When I pulled into the Walmart parking lot there was a middle-aged black man standing outside his car, the same car that had kind of weirded me out last night. He’s obviously living in it. So I have been looking out the back window, hoping he’ll leave. I realized one of the things that sparked my fears last night, is that it feels kind of like it’s just me and this guy’s car – there aren’t any other RVs around, which is unusual for this location. It leaves me feeling more vulnerable than if there were others like me around. But now I’m making peace with it. And I’m processing what thoughts cause me to be afraid. It’s very interesting. Am I scared of him because he lives in a little car? Because he’s black? Because he’s middle-aged? Would I feel less scared if he were in a nice RV, or white, or old?

And as you take this train of thought down the way, you realize how pointless and illusionary fear is. This guy could be the sweetest, kindest, gentlest man on the planet. Why is it my FIRST assumption to FEAR him? Why do I CHOOSE to feel afraid, instead of CHOOSING to feel comforted by his presence?

In what scenario would the sight of him actually bring me extreme relief and comfort and joy? For example, if I were out in the woods alone and there was a big grizzly bear coming at me, but then I saw this man standing outside his car on a clearing just behind some trees, well, in THIS scenario, I would not think twice before RUNNING to this man and jumping in the car with him. No question whatsoever of feeling relief and comfort and joy at seeing him.

So this begs the question, if this really is a CHOICE to be afraid or not, WHAT IF I could simply choose, right now, to feel like this man is the sweetest, kindest man on the planet? In both scenarios all the circumstances are the same. In one, I am sitting here in my van, afraid. I am constantly going to my back window, lifting the curtain, to see if he’s still parked there, hoping he’ll leave, gripped with fear. And in the other scenario, I see him and feel happy and safe and don’t think about it another moment, and proceed to enjoy my evening alone.

WOW. This is a TRIPPY thought! What IF I CHOOSE TO SEE EVERYONE as GOOD, KIND, and SAFE, and I simply TRUST that God will protect me, and that if there is ever any danger to avoid, LIFE will steer me clear of it by guiding me with my intuition, my Joy, NOT with FEAR?!?

So can I do this right now? Can I CHOOSE to feel completely SAFE right here in the van? Completely protected? Can I choose to see that man as a kind, good, wonderful man and not think another thought about it? Can I set myself FREE from all fear? I can. This is my challenge on this journey, and my intention. I should read Peace Pilgrim’s book again. THAT would really inspire me on this topic for sure. If you think what I’m doing is a big deal? Well, read her story. She slept OUTSIDE, in stranger’s cars, even one time with a guy who’s intention was to RAPE HER, but she wasn’t afraid of him, she slept like a baby all night in the backseat of his car. In the morning he asked her what her deal was, confessing that he had planned to rape her, but just couldn’t do it because it was like this bubble of peace and love surrounded her. He couldn’t bring himself to touch her. What I’m doing is NOTHING compared to that! If she can do THAT, I can do this. I’m in civilization, at a nice well-lit Walmart parking lot, no wild beasts (we’ll have to conquer that fear another time), shelter over my head, and plenty of nice people around. I can hear the rain on the roof right now. I’m safe and warm and I can CHOOSE to SEE my surroundings as HOME, as a SAFE, BEAUTIFUL, COMFORTABLE PLACE.

Am I going to be perfect at this immediately? Of course not. But this is my new goal: to CHOOSE to see the world as SAFE and BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL. To forget about all danger, to simply entrust my life to God, the Universe, and to know that I am guided on all perfect paths for me. I intend to SEE the world as a SAFE, MAGICAL place with ONLY GOOD PEOPLE.

As my hero Wayne Dyer always said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

I always say I want to change the world. Maybe THIS is how I will. “

And as a beautiful follow-up, I slept for 9 hours, and a miracle happened. As I was falling asleep, I allowed myself to wish or imagine that the space around me was filled with other RVs like mine with wonderful people, that it was like a community. And I got up to pee in the middle of the night, about midnight, and sure enough, I looked out my window and saw a big RV parked just one foot from me, and then I looked out the back window and there were THREE Sprinter vans behind me, JUST LIKE MINE. I was SO happy, and felt so peaceful, and continued to sleep through the night. When I woke up at 7am, I looked out the side window and noticed there was no RV. I thought, that’s strange. Then I looked out the back window and there were no Sprinter vans. All I saw was that nice man’s car, just like the night before. And I sat down on my couch, in amazement.

It had been a dream. God had given me the perfect thoughts, in my sleep, to allow me to feel and KNOW that as I trust that I am safe, I AM.

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The Moment You Realize Everything You Thought Was Important, Is NOT Important At All

What are you stressed about today? What feels heavy? Maybe you have a big job interview, or you are concerned about your ever-growing debt, or you just got a traffic ticket. Maybe you just had a fight with your spouse, or you woke up and didn’t want to go to work today. Maybe life just feels dull, or you wonder if you will ever follow through on your deepest desires, the stuff you really care about but never seem to do anything about.

Or maybe you’re like me, and you are living in the life of your wildest dreams, but as each new amazing opportunity comes, there is that dreaded feeling of heaviness, of uncomfortability that comes along with each new RISING.

At each new level of rising, there is a new challenge. Something that feels outside of our comfort zone. For me this week, it’s an interview with Dr. Steve McSwain, one of my heroes. I’ve been looking forward to this interview for a long time, and now that it’s here, I’ve been trying to avoid the fact that it feels BIG to me, and that there is that accompanying dreaded pressure that comes along with anything that feels BIG or IMPORTANT in my destiny. I have dreamed of being interviewed, and now it’s here.

And my previous mantra has been to ‘get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable’. But this morning, as I sit here in this cozy Starbucks with the rain falling in Redding, California, living smack dab in the middle of my romantic dream life, I am refusing to accept that mantra.

Why does it have to be uncomfortable?

Why do I have to accept the numbness, the anxiety, or the feeling of being uneasy?

I’m ready to accept a new reality when it comes to rising.

And as soon as I wrote down in my journal, “I refuse to accept that I need to feel uncomfortable at each new level,” it dawned on me that this was just another limit the world has always told me, that I chose to agree with.

What if I decided that as each new ‘big’ opportunity crosses my path, I can be completely at ease? Joyful, excited, relaxed. No uneasiness, no uncomfortability, just ease and peace. How would that feel?

Now THAT excites me. Refusing to accept the feeling of heaviness.

And the answer to EVERYTHING feeling LIGHT, is to realize, that I don’t NEED any of this.

I don’t NEED anything to come from this interview.

I don’t NEED anyone to like my book.

I don’t NEED anyone to show up at my first full-day workshop in Calgary.

I don’t NEED anyone to read my blog.

I am doing all of this simply because I LOVE DOING it.

When you realize you don’t NEED anything more to happen, that you are already completely happy and complete, everything loses its heaviness.

Vince and I live in a van as we are touring the country, and we bought the full Seinfeld DVD series so we would have something funny to watch in the evenings. It’s so fun watching this show from the beginning!

In one of the accompanying documentaries about the creation of the show, Jerry Seinfeld told the story of when they were in the first talks with the NBC executives.

The big-wigs at NBC wanted to change a lot of the script that he and Larry David had written, and Seinfeld replied with a smile,

“No, we’re not gonna make any of those changes.”

And the NBC people said firmly, “You realize that we are the big important people at NBC who have the power over your show, right?”

And Seinfeld calmly replied with his signature grin,

“Yes, that’s fine. I don’t need this show. I am perfectly happy to go back to doing stand up.”

And NBC relented and gave Larry David and Seinfeld complete control of the show.

Your power and ease returns to you when you realize that you don’t NEED anything more than you currently have.

You may WANT more, but you don’t NEED more.

And that’s power.

That’s when everything you realize you don’t NEED, comes to you effortlessly.

We are in a matrix. We look around and see our money system, our job, health insurance, our bodies, and we think all of this is really important and serious.

But it’s not.

We’re in a video game.

The thing we fear the most – death – is actually a FULL entrance into the realm of MAGIC, PURE LOVE — it’s when the veil is lifted.

It’s why I love funerals, because I can feel the other side, I can feel what really matters.

When you realize that everything is actually upside down – that your worst-case scenario is actually the best-case scenario, suddenly life becomes clear.

All the stuff that seemed so important, suddenly becomes insanely meaningless, and all the stuff that seemed meaningless, suddenly becomes insanely REAL and wonderful.

And you realize that the stuff that’s REAL,

is always EASY, SIMPLE, BEAUTIFUL, LIGHT –

none of it is heavy.

Can I EMBODY this? Can I LIVE in this? YES.

Can I live my life like it IS the movie? YES.

It’s the lightness of Seinfeld, knowing he just wanted to make people laugh and do what he loved, and that he didn’t need a TV show in order to do that.

I refuse to ACCEPT that my life has to be UNCOMFORTABLE as I rise. Was the little 8-year-old Sophia Grace uncomfortable when she first went on the Ellen Show?

I think if you watch that interview you will see nothing but pure JOY.

The excitement of a little girl who didn’t know there was anything BIG or IMPORTANT to be scared of or to feel uneasy about.

I REFUSE to accept that any of this needs to freak me out.

This is a GAME.

I refuse to accept that it’s HEAVY, DIFFICULT, IMPORTANT, or SERIOUS.

It’s just NOT.

I refuse to accept these invisible LIMITS. It’s time to WAKE UP.

How fully can I transcend these limits that everyone around me is embracing as real?

It’s NOT REAL.

I’m ALIVE!

I UNDERSTAND! I am observing all of this from a SAFE PLACE.

I am OUTSIDE of these limits.

I want to lift people out of this illusion of the complicated.

I embrace the SIMPLE. The MAGIC. Joy. Love.

Whatever you think is important, will BE important to you.

Can you look at life from a different perspective?

Can you turn it upside down,

and set yourself FREE?

How A Little Girl Named Noelle Abolished All My Fears

I had my first book signing / musical lecture yesterday at a bookstore – Changing Hands in Phoenix, Arizona. This was a HUGE new level for me, to step UP into this dream of being an author/speaker – to let it become a physical reality in my life.

It was scary.

Even calling the bookstore last month to propose my event was scary. My voice felt shaky, I felt my heart racing as I spoke the words out loud for the first time, “I’m an author and I’d like to do a book signing at your store.”

And I didn’t even have a printed book yet.

When you step up into your dreams, it feels uncomfortable at first.

But I just went for it. I jumped.

I didn’t know if anyone would come.

But I KNEW I wanted to take the risk.

I knew it would be worth it.

And it WAS.
In the moments leading up to the event, I found myself with an extra hour – the clock in the hotel room we had stayed in the night before was off by an hour, and I had my phone turned off, so we were WAY early.

I felt peaceful, pretty relaxed but also NUMB – I couldn’t really feel any Joy about the event, I was just sitting in the coffee shop adjoining the room where I would be speaking, waiting, letting the moments pass, letting myself breathe.

And I had the thought, “Why God? Why would you give me an extra hour to sit here and wait? I don’t understand.”

Just at that moment, I saw a little girl in pink run through the coffee shop. I was drawn to her, and just looking at her childlike innocence gave me comfort.

I looked away, and a few moments later I heard a woman calling my name . . . “Noelle?”

I looked up, and saw she was calling after the little girl, who had run into the bathroom.

Right away, I felt a rush of excitement.

Her name is Noelle, just like mine, and she’s wearing pink?

I don’t meet many girls with my name. I could hardly wait to see them again and talk to them. As soon as they came out of the bathroom I asked her, “Is your name Noelle?” She nodded and smiled.

So we talked for a few minutes, and I discovered that not only was her name Noelle, spelled just like mine, but she was wearing a Frozen princess dress, and she LOVES to sing.  All details that relate very specifically to me.

There was just no way this was a coincidence.

It was a specific, tangible, perfect miracle sent straight from God to me.

It was a way for the Universe to let me know that I am LOVED, that I am in the RIGHT PLACE, and to remind me that I AM that little girl.

Cuz really, that is my entire message – to REMEMBER who we really are.

To return to the simplicity of being a child. The simplicity of trusting, of not worrying about the next moment, of just ENJOYING life.

The overwhelming PEACE and JOY that flooded every cell of my body and spirit was so strong, it carried me through the book signing and lecture, as I spoke to 6 precious hearts who sat in the audience hanging on my every word.

I rose into a new level of my identity and destiny, and the biggest miracle of the day came through the innocence of a little girl in pink named Noelle, reminding me WHY I am doing this tour,

living this life, sharing my heart with the world.

Just LET GO.

Just BE a little kid.

Just TRUST.

Priceless.

How Embracing My Biggest Fear Unlocked My Destiny

If you’ve been following me on Facebook, you know that things EXPLODED on my blog yesterday.  Anita Moorjani, one of my great heroes, shared one of my blog posts on her Fan page to her 77,000+ fans, and my views skyrocketed.  I saw my dreams materializing before my eyes!!

The day I originally published that post, The Book That Led Me To Let Go Of Christianity, I had about 20 views on it. Yesterday, about 3,500 people read it around the world.  I’ve also had more views and subscribers on my YouTube channel, as well as new supportive and active fans on my Facebook Fan Page.

I am one BIG step closer to realizing my dream of traveling the world as an inspirational writer/speaker/singer.

This exposure to a wider audience through Anita has connected me to a huge community of people who identify with my journey of moving beyond religious beliefs.  I am not alone!

If you are one of these new people who has found me recently, I want to THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for joining me on this journey. In connecting with all of you who deeply resonate with me, my dreams are coming true!!

I have just reached the end of 3 years of working full-time in my dreams. Most of that ‘work’ has been internal: excavating my internal landscape to reveal my true self, my true desires, and my highest destiny. This 3rd year since leaving the corporate world, the internal work I’ve done in a safe and private cocoon has moved externally.  I have shared my story on YouTube, and have begun blogging in the past 2 months.

When I first felt the energy brewing to start blogging regularly, I was confronted with a HUGE fear:

I was afraid of being JUDGED for sharing my story of moving beyond Christianity.

Continue reading “How Embracing My Biggest Fear Unlocked My Destiny”

Are You Scared To Share Your Story? Don’t Let The Fear Win!

Today I have some bad news, my friends.  I’ve been working for the past 5 days on an incredible blog post — the life story of a friend and a song I wrote that was inspired by her life.  Her story is absolutely incredible — full of overcoming pain that I can’t even begin to imagine.  Some of the traumas she has overcome are incest, domestic violence, physical disability, her child committing suicide, and more.  She has moved past the pain of all of this and is living a life of love and joy.

When I read the post out loud to Vince, and we looked at the telling pictures of her and her family, we both cried — I cried so hard I could barely read it out loud.  I was intensely moved by the power in this story and I knew it would impact so many people.

I fell in love with the idea of telling these transformational stories and writing a book to feature these amazing people I have found.  My personal story of transformation is just the beginning — I want to tell the stories of others, and set their life message to music in songs I write.  I’m so enthused by this idea!

So I was all ready to post my friend’s story and song yesterday, after working so passionately on it all weekend, and at 4am yesterday morning I checked my email (for some insane reason), and found that she had decided not to let me share it.  There were reasons listed, such as the possibility of an ex-husband finding her through the story, or her family members judging her for sharing it.

But I knew the real reason:

FEAR.

Continue reading “Are You Scared To Share Your Story? Don’t Let The Fear Win!”