Nights have been by far the most difficult part of this week. Every evening, when the sun goes down and I find myself alone in the van, it’s been pretty painful missing Vince. Like, gut-wrenchingly painful. I’m a crier. But I’ve NEVER cried this much in my life. But tonight something shifted. I decided to do something different, and I said, “Noelle, we’re strong. Let’s go to the beach. We’re not gonna mourn tonight.” So I drove to the beach just an hour before sunset, and no one was out. It was so windy the waves were wildly crashing — HUGE WAVES, and as I walked in the sand barefoot I put my headphones in and listened to my own voice singing 2 songs I wrote, before all this pain had hit me. And it was the combination of hearing the strength in my voice along with the strength of the ocean, I felt this energy rise within me, and I couldn’t help but start running. I ran and ran and felt the surge of courage and love and joy course through my veins. And suddenly I had the thought . . “I’m not afraid anymore. I’ve faced losing the thing I feared losing the most, and so there’s nothing left to fear.” And then I stopped and stood looking out at the powerful waves coming towards me, and I felt them as waves of power, love, joy, awakening. I stretched out my arms to receive everything the universe was bringing to me. I’ve never felt stronger, more open, more ready, more fearless, than I do since that moment a couple hours ago. I’m thankful for this shift. I know there will still be pain, but I see the bigger picture, I feel the huge waves of joy and expansion that are coming to me and flowing through me, and I know this pain is allowing me to find strength I never knew I had. Watch out world, here comes Noelle . . .
When I released my book a few weeks ago on Amazon, one of the anxieties that came up for me immediately was the fear, “What if I’m wrong? What if I’m describing a spiritual truth in a way that is not the highest or most enlightened way?” And this thought has persisted, as I’ve ventured onto other endeavors in planning my tour and connecting with amazing people.
I’ve had this persistent anxiety that I’m going to read something by a great spiritual leader that will CONTRADICT the way I talk in my book, and reveal that I’m not that enlightened or that I’ve said something WRONG.
MANIFESTING: Embrace it or abolish it? Do we need to intend, attract, allow, or let go of the idea altogether?
FEAR: Transform it, face it, conquer it, or build a relationship with it?
Which way is the RIGHT way?
I thought I left the world of measurement when I left religion, but now I find that there is measurement, judgment and comparison in this “open” and spiritual world as well. I had a leader I admire recently treat me as sub-human simply because I have not read his/her book yet.
Here is the liberating and exciting TRUTH, my beloved friends:
There is no right or wrong way to express a spiritual truth. Truth is truth, and the beauty of our human community is in our individual uniqueness, our vast and magical diversity.
If we all expressed truth the exact same way – if we all AGREED on the same terminology, the same perspective on every spiritual nugget, how boring would that be?
We need to be careful that our search for spiritual treasure doesn’t lead us down the blinded path of the ONE RIGHT WAY, based on one particular teaching.
The only one TRUE way is found not in words, or in terminology, or in a certain teaching, but inside YOU. Your only true mission is to BE FULLY YOU.
As a spiritual teacher, my main goal is to direct you back to yourself. You have ALL the answers within you. You don’t need my book or anyone else’s to find what you already know inside your heart.
All of these books are great tools to guide us.
But be careful not to glorify one person or one teaching. You are your greatest teacher. Inside YOU is everything you’ve been looking for.
So let’s honor each other and our beautiful array of colors. There is no right or wrong way to express the song in your heart.
Can a song be wrong? Can a color be wrong?
“Somewhere beyond right and wrong there is a garden. I will meet you there.” –Rumi
How did Nelson Mandela endure prison for 27 years and emerge a stronger, more loving, inspirational leader than before?
Why do people win the lottery, have all the money they could ever need or want, and end up with nothing — more miserable than they were before?
How did Jesus, in the midst of being hated, beaten and crucified, cry out with LOVE in his heart, saying, “Father, forgive them – they don’t know what they’re doing” ?
How did Robin Williams, who had all the success in the world – fame, money, accomplishments, beautiful relationships – still struggle with depression deep enough to end his life?
These seemingly illogical situations point us to a reality that many of us KNOW, yet ignore on a daily basis:
Our true reality is NOT external. It’s internal.
True life is lived from the inside out, not the other way around.
Our happiness is not determined by whatever is happening to us externally.
So why do we ignore this fact that is SO obvious?
Why not focus all of our energy on this internal reality, since it’s pretty obvious that is where the power is?
Well, our culture emphasizes the external at every turn. Our bodies our glorified, money is a god. Accumulation of stuff, college degrees, outward accomplishments – these are determiners of our success.
Focus on externals is everywhere.
So what I’ve found, is that in order to truly focus on the beauty and power of my internal reality, I have had to detach from our culture in many ways. I quit the corporate world, I spent lots of time alone, I stopped going to church, I let go of my big house and moved into a school bus, I fasted from food for 33 days (this had amazing results for ME, but I don’t advise this – I will blog more about this later), I let go of family and relational obligations, and I let go of cultural expectations.
I stopped DOING, and started BEING.
And what I have found, since quieting the voices of my culture, since extracting myself completely from the nauseatingly loud messages of what ‘success’ really is – I have found the greatest treasure of my life.
I have found a Source deep within, yet way beyond me, where true LIFE really is:
Where Life is unlimited, encouragement is never wavering, JOY is in DEEP SUPPLY, the energy is always available, the lights are always ON, everything is CLEAR, Life IS The fairy-tale, the Dream is reality, I see WHO I REALLY AM – where the Power is, the SAFETY, the VISION, the STRENGTH, the LOVE – this is the Source of LIFE, the WOMB of CREATION.
Sounds great, right? But HOW? You’re thinking –
I can’t move into a school bus, quit my job, fast from food, let go of obligations!! That’s great for you, Noelle, but I have things I have to DO.
And I get that. I’m not encouraging you to copy me or to take tons of crazy actions with your life. But I am gonna tell you what I did to find this treasure, so that maybe you will be inspired to do ONE THING today to quiet the other voices and look within.
Because all of this treasure is there inside you, right now.
You can stop in THIS moment, breathe, let go of ALL the worries you have about what you have to do today, tomorrow, later this week.
You can let all of it go for a few moments, and ask yourself,
“Who am I, really? What do I REALLY want from this life?”
If you can start asking questions like that, you will be AMAZED at what happens. Most of us just never take the time to ASK. To SEEK.
Maybe we’re scared of the answer. Maybe we know we’re not living the life we REALLY wanna be living, and we don’t wanna face that.
It’s ok. When you’re ready, you’ll know, and you’ll do it.
For me, journaling was the catalyst that led me to this treasure trove inside me. Even before I left the corporate world, I would get up at 5:30 every morning and go to Starbucks — not because I was forcing myself, or because I thought I SHOULD, but because I was dying inside with the life I was living, working so many hours at a job that just wasn’t ME.
So I started writing out my feelings — Crying out to God in my journal about the huge weight on my shoulders, how much I longed for more TIME to find myself.
And incredible things started happening.
These 2 hours before work became like going to heaven – and I’m not talking about some spiritual visions, ethereal crap like that – I’m talking REAL FUN. Like tangible, real, gritty ENJOYMENT. I started getting answers to my questions – I would just start writing, and pretty soon my writing turned into all CAPS, and it was like messages from God.
It gave me encouragement, visions about who I really am and what my destiny is. It became my favorite time of day, and my life-line.
And then those 2 hours expanded with so much JOY and ENERGY, that they became my LIFE.
My whole life now is lived in that dream world.
I live FROM heaven, to earth.
I am in a constant state of JOY and peace and LOVE, and when I interact with the world, to share a blog or go to coffee with a friend, I live from the overflow of my internal reality that is heavenly and magical.
Now – I’m gonna be honest and let you know, that as I’ve started blogging and seen some success in the number of views I’ve been getting, I’ve been TEMPTED to get off balance. I’ve been checking my phone a lot, because it’s really fun to see how many of you are out there reading. And there’s nothing wrong with that, except if it takes my focus away from my internal joy. So just a little reminder to myself this morning, and then I’m back HERE, where I belong.
Where nothing can shake me. I know who I am. And true LIFE is in unlimited supply.
I encourage you, if you have not tapped into your unlimited internal supply of JOY, just take one moment today to STOP.
Let go of your worries, surrender your plans, and take a moment to look within – whether it’s writing in a journal or having a cup of coffee by yourself, or going on a beautiful walk, or watching an inspirational movie.
Take a moment to DREAM. You will be amazed at how this beautiful world, where true life is, starts to invade every moment of your external reality, if you let it.
Let’s bring heaven to earth together,
by finding our joy within,
one moment at a time!
I am nearing the end of my 3rd year of working full-time in my dreams.
When I started this journey – when I took that leap of leaving the corporate world – I did it because I was following my heart.
I didn’t know exactly what my path would look like or exactly what I would do, but I knew I had to listen to the deep cry in my heart to find my highest destiny, to go after my dreams —
as scary and unknown as the journey seemed.
The pain of living a life that didn’t fulfill my deepest longings,
a life where I had to numb my desires just to get through the day,
a life of being someone I didn’t really want to be –
when the pain of all that got stronger than my fear of the unknown,
I took the leap.
I jumped off the cliff.
And when I look at my life now, although it doesn’t look exactly the way I thought it would, I am utterly amazed at where this path has led me.
It has led me to an incredible discovery – the thing deep down I’ve always been searching for, but didn’t know it –
it has led me to the discovery
of a priceless treasure.
I have been journaling since I was 12, but it was always sporadic, up until 3 years ago. There is rarely a day now when I don’t journal.
It has become
my daily delight,
my deep and dependable connection to Spirit and to myself.
Recently I have seen the value in my journals – I always thought it was just fun,
just for me,
but now I’ve discovered that there is real treasure in my journals, so I’ve started digitizing them.
I am in the middle of typing into my computer every word I’ve ever hand-written.
Little did I know, that this process would reveal deep and incredible mysteries – ones that I can see now, simply because I’m looking at my life from a timeless perspective. When you step outside of your life and take a good long look at it, you see things that you just can’t see when you’re living in your daily reality.
The treasure I’m finding in these journals of mine, this magical journey of looking at my life as a whole, is having powerful results in my life.
I want to ATTEMPT to capture right now in words what this process is doing for me, but I know I won’t be able to totally do it justice.
It’s a magical feeling.
It’s a sneaking suspicion,
a tantalizing truth,
an amazing reality.
It’s like I’m walking on a beautiful path and I’m just about to turn the corner, and even before I get to the bend in the road,
I can smell it,
there are all these waves of colorful light beaming from around the bend, it’s calling to me,
drawing me closer –
it’s the knowledge that the glorious fragrance,
the faint but enticing melodies,
the glimpses of radiant light,
are not even a fraction of the
that awaits me around the bend.
It’s the knowledge that it’s too good to be true,
that it’s BETTER than I’ve conceived or dreamed of,
and that this GIFT,
Discovering that Noelle is HERE.
That everything I’ve dreamed of becoming has happened,
that WHO I AM
is more thrilling, more radiant, more exciting, more magnificent,
than I ever dreamed possible.
It’s the discovery of ME – that I truly AM that person I’ve always dreamed of being.
That all I EVER NEEDED,
the only thing I EVER LACKED,
the only thing that needed healing,
was my ability to
I’ve always been here: fully radiant, fully magnificent, fully divine.
And that these past 3 years of internal discovery,
of excavating my internal landscape,
have all been for ONE PURPOSE:
for ME to SEE
WHO I AM.
Because all I’ve ever needed was to SEE it for myself.
To see my radiance, to see that I am the treasure.
That I’ve never, ever, lacked ANYTHING.
You see, I thought these first 3 years would be about external success – that I would be giving big concerts by now, speaking and traveling around the world sharing my gifts, several books published and huge success. And I have no doubts that all of that will happen.
But I have found something SO MUCH GREATER than any external success could ever give me:
I have found that I already am everything I’ve ever dreamed of –
I’ve always been here, but now I can SEE.
So what if YOU already have inside you everything you’ve ever dreamed of, and the only thing you’re lacking, is the ability to truly
SEE HOW AMAZING YOU ARE?
I’m here to tell you, it’s not a matter of “What if?”.
It’s the truth:
You have all the answers inside you.
You ARE the treasure you are seeking.
So look within.
Quiet all the voices that pull you in every other direction.
Listen to YOU.
That’s where the true treasure is, that’s where the answers are.
Jesus said, “the Kingdom of God is within you.”
So why are you looking everywhere else?
Listen to your desires, listen to your heart, listen to the ache that calls to you in the night.
And maybe, just maybe,
you will find what you’ve always been searching for, but didn’t know it:
you will find the